i got an e-mail saying i got a comment from jared (him, the one i used to think i might love) and i was so excited, cause he never comments or messages me anymore. i went to my page and i had an update saying i got a new comment, but there was no comment. i reloaded it, tried to get to it through the e-mail. i cant read it, i dont know if there was even a comment, now im mad. and sad. and disappointed.

i loves me some drugs.

tomorrow is my dads birthday, i have to call him, its quite possibly his last birthday what with the cancer and all, but i dont want to call him, i dont want to talk to him, ever. i should call. i HAVE to. i will.... maybe. i just dont know if i can, after all my shit with him, i barely even know him, not like he knows me, i probably won't even notice when he dies, my life won't be any different. he probably wouldnt notice if i died either, but i have to call him. FUCK! he doesnt call me! but i guess i have to be the better person. i dont want to be the better person. but i'm going to call him. maybe.

ehhh love. what is this nonsense? why would you tell me you love me? huh? what were you thinking? dont you realize you just ruined everything? gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ok moving on. wait nope not done. love? what is love? how do you know? i've never been in love except for like my family but thats not in love, just love. well maybe i loved him, probably did but can't let myself be in love nope nope nope nope nope. whats the point? your gonna leave, they always do. fuck now my brain is all crazy going. ok i guess its not that big of a deal. its good to be loved right? yes it definitely is, and i definitely need a cigarette or 12. ok well umm ok im done, i dont think i can ever say it back.

there is no food in my house, literally. my refrigerator contains, ketchup, onions, and batteries. the pantry has flour and beets. its been this way for days. i tell my sister im hungry and she says maybe you should have gone to school and gotten food there? are you fucking serious? theres no food in my house for like weeks actually because i ate all the shit that was in there when i first started saying theres no food (such as the frozen shit like vegetables and boca burgers), and the problem is that i didnt go to school today? surely you jest. why is she such a fucking cunt? i just don't know but she better not say shit to me when she walks in the house, im feeling rather violent at the moment. i really dont want my next post to be about how im like on probation or something for putting my sister in the hospital, i really think i might enjoy doing it though. FUUUCKK!!!!!!!!! i hate my family, of course all my mom could say is don't curse. like fuck you bitch. oh my god, just one more year, less actually, and im out of here forever. jesus christ i cant wait.

 fuck, i overslept, again. i do this all the time, i need to get a louder more obnoxious alarm clock that can actually rouse me from my slumber. teheheh slumber. thats a fun word. lets go do some drugs, please. omg im gonna go make pancakes, oh wait no im not i dont have any syrup :( or powdered sugar. my life sucks. ew and they cast robert pattison. like wth? no they were supposed to pick Gaspard!!! he is ever so beautiful, whatever maybe robert will be ok.....

my life has been excessively boring of late my highlights of the past two weeks are getting a new bag and new boots. they are nice boots though really warm and they were on sale. the bag was on sale too, it has the campbbells tamato soup can on it, ya know, the andy warhol jawn. ok so i doubt anyone cares. but my back itches and i cant reach it and its really annoying and i think i might be stoned.



blahhh, life is sooooo boring.

it  snowed and im sooo happy. i've been at the school im in now for a month and ive already used up my absent days, fuck. now what? im soooo not going to summer school because of asbences. hmm maybbe they'll put me in 2-6 but i doubt it cause i wouldnt go to that either, i really hope they dont send  me to booker t. gahhhhhhhhhhhh.

i had a  dream last night that the guy that works at the gas station by my house was like in my livingroom, and he left 5000$ on the table and i took it and he was trying to get it back. and i went in my pocket to get it but it had turned into an apple and then i ate it. that shit is fuckin weird right?

i will never be to old to trick or treat, i got sooo much candy, its great. 

what do i want with my life? i really just dont know, can you tell me please?